Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
