So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
