Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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