Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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