Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
