I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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