Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
