i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
