I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
