OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
