Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
