Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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