I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
