at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
