There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
