I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
