Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  ready 4 sex 2nite?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  wow. woo me matt, woo me.

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  (847): ready 4 sex 2nite? (978): wow. woo me matt, woo me. http://tfl.nu/frhd
  Replies (5) Good night (1266) Bad night (1539)
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  (805): View more from California

  I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

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  (805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3
  Replies (23) Good night (798) Bad night (2734)
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  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2442) Bad night (1073)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2629) Bad night (35783)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (867) Bad night (3643)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess it runs in the family.

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  (845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date (845): i guess it runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/gfn4
  Replies (6) Good night (5312) Bad night (949)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

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  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (4189) Bad night (1151)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday

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  (740): Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday http://tfl.nu/hztn
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (618)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.

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  (336): I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale. http://tfl.nu/9c1d
  Replies (19) Good night (4199) Bad night (839)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.

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  (941): oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed. http://tfl.nu/cdno
  Replies (5) Good night (1287) Bad night (455)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.

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  (571): My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have. http://tfl.nu/0vrk
  Replies (3) Good night (1059) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (657): View more from California

  He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"

  (818): View more from California

  this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!

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  (657): He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up" (818): this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!! http://tfl.nu/b19c
  Replies (13) Good night (3285) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.

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  (575): Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare. http://tfl.nu/2cr4
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (257)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."

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  (417): Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS." http://tfl.nu/riik
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..

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  (306): They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult.. http://tfl.nu/9g45
  Replies (2) Good night (886) Bad night (231)

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