i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shame is for Republicans.
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