Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems