I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.