Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.

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(413): I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/g19l

Replies (21) Good night (1586) Bad night (3923)
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(301): View more from Maryland

You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

(240): View more from Maryland

Why does tequilla always make you text me?

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(301): You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate. (240): Why does tequilla always make you text me? http://tfl.nu/qeax

Replies (13) Good night (4126) Bad night (795)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

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(337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564

Replies (22) Good night (5734) Bad night (756)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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(301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz

Replies (20) Good night (4207) Bad night (950)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

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(250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o

Replies (9) Good night (6480) Bad night (1149)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself

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(856): i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself http://tfl.nu/wqdu

Replies (6) Good night (762) Bad night (2765)
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(758): View more from St. Lucia-Carib

He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.

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(758): He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out. http://tfl.nu/nx2b

Replies (2) Good night (2402) Bad night (1020)
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(509): View more from Washington

There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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(509): There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/0uwm

Replies (9) Good night (974) Bad night (2059)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.

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(609): Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams. http://tfl.nu/g3rk

Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (524)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"

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(520): I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito" http://tfl.nu/vbc5

Replies (8) Good night (1032) Bad night (557)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(832): i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus http://tfl.nu/kvpc

Replies (2) Good night (1595) Bad night (574)
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(344): View more from

So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

(774): View more from Massachusetts

They're waiting for you to die

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(344): So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof (774): They're waiting for you to die http://tfl.nu/5pk9

Replies (6) Good night (2026) Bad night (465)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area

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(612): He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area http://tfl.nu/q3t9

Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (290)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?

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(651): Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you? http://tfl.nu/w903

Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (266)
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(207): View more from Maine

I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.

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(207): I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks. http://tfl.nu/yh0t

Replies (3) Good night (708) Bad night (218)

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