I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
