The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
