She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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