Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
