So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The air taste purple.
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