she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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