Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it hurts more in the daytime
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
