I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
