dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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