Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
