Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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