So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
