I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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