Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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