I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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