Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
