I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
