apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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