Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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