Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
