According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
