I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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