things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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