I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
