I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
