How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
