Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
