i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Who died my cat blue again?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
