Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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