No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
