i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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