I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
