If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
