Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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