So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
