I need help removing her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
