Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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