I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
