Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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