i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
