How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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