his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
