Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
