Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
