Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
