i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
