: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
