It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
