so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
