literally had 100 drinks last night.
worst night to have a conscience
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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