There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
