i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize