i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
