I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize