I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
