I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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